Woundology. Interesting word isn't it? Even my computerised dictionary doesn't like much and no doubt, some people won't either. There's scrolls of literature about this 'term' but suffice to say, it's a reference to people defining themselves by whatever is "wrong" with them. Sometimes these people don't even have names or jobs or even family. They are just labels - alcoholics, manic depressive etc., - and while there is a growing group of people resisting those labels, there is an equal amount of people insisting on hiding behind them.
There is nothing wrong in having issues or problems - who on Earth doesn't - but I do question those who think there is nothing more to them than what hinders them from moving forward like that in itself (yes I will say it) is the excuse for everything going wrong in their life.
Some people just aren't happy unless they're bloody miserable.
Christine Myss PhD, claims "Today people wear their deepest wounds on their sleeve like a red badge of courage." It's not as callous as it sounds. She does go on to say, "The sharing of wounds had become the new language of intimacy, a shortcut to developing trust and understanding." Now I don't think there is anything wrong with this at all; sharing stories that you can relate to does make you feel closer to that person but, and yes, there is a but... there is more to all of us than what may or may not have happened "to" us - surely.
I have friends whose stories are eerily similar to mine but I also know they have kids, jobs, interests in life, have plans, hopes, dreams, and fears. Very rarely will we discuss our wounds. When and if we do, it is heartfelt respect, and all their hopes and prayers I take on board graciously. Then I move on. They do too.
However, more recently, I have cut a few people out of my life and purely on the basis that they were, what I call, a brain drain. I consider myself an understanding person. I am by no means callous or heartless and I know for a fact that I have sometimes gone above the call of duty to help some people with their struggles. But even I have limits. We all do.
Christine says that in every personal relationship there is always an exchange of energy. Well at least there should be. However, there are those that only interested in stealing your energy. You all know at least someone like this, when no matter what you do or say, they will never be happy. They don't want solutions to problems, they want sympathy and whilst there is nothing wrong in giving that every now and then, the energy stealers know no bounds. They take and take until there is nothing left to give.
It's a dangerous situation for the person who is drained as it is for person who sucks the energy out of you because that person will "eventually become addicted to it and grow more needy and helpless by the day." These are the same people, who like drug addicts, go in search for others to "boost their self esteem or give ideas on how they should live or act, or think" because they "do not have the energy to create a life of their own."
When someone you feel just zaps the living energy from your being, you know that's an unhealthy relationship but the fact of the matter is, there are people like that. My solution is to just take a break from them. If they come crawling back to suck some more juice out of your life, then use whatever energy you have left to fight for yourself, your own self esteem, and your own vital energy bank account.
No one was put on this earth to make things right for everyone else. You were put on this earth to make things right for you... just not at the expense of others.
Great blog, and so true. Some people think it is their right to stay being a victim for the rest of there life and no matter how much you invest time, therapy and emotional energy in them, they still stay stuck there. Slowly they wear down everyone: their friends, their family, their treatment providers. This in turn sets them up to play the victim again of these people. And if they are always the victims these people will always go on to be the bad guys.
ReplyDeleteSo, yip some people are better to avoid for the sake of your own mental health.
Bipolar and lying...
ReplyDeleteIt is not an uncommon experience for those living or frequently interacting with patients of bipolar disorder to become aggravated at lies told by the bipolar person. Lying and bipolar disorder seem to go hand in hand for most manic-depressives and this association is grounded in more than one source.
Lying Out of Fear
One obvious reason for the association between lying and bipolar disorder is fear. Almost every lie is rooted in fear - the fear of some possible punishment. It is a matter of fact affair to be punished for mistakes or wrongs done knowingly or inadvertently. Denying one’s role, when caught, is thus natural. Manic-depressives are more prone to commit mistakes like reckless behavior, promiscuity, and extravagance. Contriving lies for apology is thus natural for manic-depressives.
Attention Gatherers
Bipolar patients have a craving for maintaining control over situations, and among family and friends, this need often takes the form of lying. By making false statements to different people, the manic-depressive assumes he is the gatherer of people’s attention and in control of the situation, since they dictate what people know.
Loss of Self-Control
During episodes of mania or depression – but particularly in mania - the patient’s conscious nervous system often loses control over what they say. In other words, a bipolar sufferer’s brain swirls out of rational control during such episodes. Whatever pops up in the mind is uttered, and hence the lies.
Hallucinations
Lying and bipolar disorder are linked by another fact. Bipolar patients often experience hallucinations. Mostly these are auditory hallucinations, that is, voices or sounds that no one but the patient experiences, and then tells others about. Certainly such stories are lies to those who hear them.
But other forms of hallucinations may also occur, like a manic-depressive complaining that some family member locked them in the kitchen, while the accused assuredly did no such thing. It is important to understand that in such cases, reality is different for the bipolar sufferer and they are simply telling what they believe they experienced.
Brain Chemistry
Certain chemical substances in the brain are known to induce mood swings. An important one of these is the neurotransmitter serotonin, whose low production can induce depressive episodes. Lovers of ice cream might recognize their cherished flavor as a mood stabilizer, because of the serotonin in the ice cream. Low serotonin in the brain of a bipolar patient is another reason for the connection between lying and bipolar disorder, as it triggers impulsivity in the patient and lies are a frequent result.
Whatever the reason lying can place a lot of strain on any relationship which is why bipolar and divorce is also not uncommon.