Thank God I don't need to have a book to refer to... no, I have something much more tangible, more "in your face", and that is guilt and shame...
I went out last Thursday..nothing untoward. Just a few drinks with some work mates - how hard can that be, right? I went there at 6:30ish and left around 10pm. A respectable time, I thought... but here's the thing. I didn't think.
Once upon a time, you know, when one got to that "time to go home" stage of drinking, one was warned with a sense of wooozy-ness or that infamous slur when you're trying to impress someone and your tongue grows 8 meters... maybe you have smashed a few glasses, eyed up the wrong person, picked a fight.. who knows? The thing is, now... I have no warning signs... I am drinking, having a laugh, and then ... nothing.
Has anyone every had the God awful moment when you wake up in the morning and have to make sense of the night before? I'd say that was a drinking problem (oh don't worry ACC, I've already written you off so you can stop scouring my blog for hints of compensation deduction).... back to the real people...
I have and it's the most scariest thing in the world.
They say, whoever the fuck "they" are but... if drink starts screwing up your life then it is a problem... sounds ever so logical but, the thing is, it isn't screwing up my life.... on the outside. You know, that "bit" everyone else gets to see and judge.... but it is screwing me up on the inside.
They say (You got it, whoever the fuck "they are") you can't change what you don't acknowledge, so I guess this is a mini break through for me... what a crock of shit. I have had warning signs before. I chose to ignore them. And now? Now is different... now is scary. Now is now....
Warning signs? What were they and what makes it different this time?
ReplyDeleteSo you went out on the turps with your mates... where was your 12 year old girl??? I hope she wasnt staying at a hostel without supervision, and frequented by blokes of unknown character, while you were imbibing with your friends.
ReplyDeletejasmine... get your head out of the gutter and stop judging people by how you live your own life... you are such a bore.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it is time to stop and recheck those road signs that clutter your way through life Jax? You must have missed a sign somewhere and wandered down a trail to Nowheresville. Best be heading back up the hill to the last stop and see if someone hid the sign in the long grass.
ReplyDeleteHugs xxx
You're right Mah. Thanks
ReplyDelete