July 30, 2014


Yes folks you heard it here first. Dr Peter Jansen, one of the top wigs at ACC has been caught taken a company perk - an internal DSM-IV assessment by one of this three close work buddies who wish to remain, understandably, quiet. 

However, we have obtained a copy of this assessment and records indicate Dr Jansen is actually suffering from a DSM-CIP Syndrome. It's not, unfortunately, a rare problem.

Apart from the obvious symptoms of selective amnesia when it comes to conducting expensive, tax-paid, research, he also expresses hyper-manic self obsessive disorder, thinking he is someone of grand importance and that everyone ought to listen to him. If not, then at least his hand-picked cussy bro. More worryingly is the official DSM-CIP diagnoses - "Completely Incompetent Prick. Person". 

Is it any wonder why all these "clients" are being fogged off. That poor man. He's been suffering in silence all this time while we (okay some) have practically bashed him in the Press. We ought to have really looked into Dr Jansen beforehand, extended our hand in mutual mental illness and welcomed our brother home - I mean, we don't have a stigma, right?  

Whilst I agree with ACC Advocate Mr Wadsworth, that the "SCU senior and technical staff have consistently demonstrated they are not up to the job, including its senior medical advisor Dr Peter Jansen.” I do think he could be a little more sympathetic. I mean, it's a hard diagnosis to hide especially in such a public arena, although, rumor has it, Minister of ACC Nick Smith also suffers the same "disorder" and has no problem expressing all the symptoms right in front of cameras. 

In any event Mr Wadsworth - I agree: “Now it’s time for ACC to shutdown the dysfunctional unit." Dr Peter Jansen should now concentrate on ...um, what's the saying again? That's right!...focusing on his family.