April 19, 2013

Road Trip - part 1

Was asked: "How was the trip?"

Well, it had good bits and then there were some not so good bits, and in the middle, well, it was undetermined - could've gone either way, really.

The concept of roughing it, camping out under the stars, was appealing at first, until reality set in. 

We had hoped to see some of the wildlife. Not so sure they were that thrilled to see us and they might have shown some of that animosity right about the time I contemplated a stretch of Yoga under the Southern Stars as an ideal and somewhat earthy thing to do. You get karma brownie points for doing that shit, you know!

Anyhow, ended up having a glass (or four) of wine in a somewhat freaked-out-upright position wondering whether Kangaroos had seen the Slenderman game and Lauren and I were just their Saturday night playthings. Lauren kept yelling out random brainwaves like "Get the letters!" - thinking it would encourage my agility skills as I hightailed it to the toilets conveniently situated in the direct flight path of what can only be described as "Kangaroo Ganglands" a million miles due south of the car.

But don't be fooled. Being inside an 'open-for-all' semi closed concrete box with your pants around your ankles does not fill one with a sense of relief. No! Instead, you are made acutely aware of all those YouTube videos of three-foot spiders under toilet seats and coiled snakes in the bottom of sinks. I stayed longer than I needed cause I wasn't sure I had finished - peeing out of necessity or sheer terror is a hard concept to break down in a hurry.

My own immediate thought at the time was I had to return to the car to fight off the kangaroos who were by now (I was sure!) munching on the last remains of my only child. The fear of having to explain that to the Authorities was enough to propel me back towards the car, very much imitating a kangaroo on speed and with no obvious sense of direction. 

The look of sheer horror on Lauren's face, as I neared the darkened windows of the car, made me think.... she is either taking her last breath (fucking kangaroos) or I am scaring the shit out of her myself. After a lot of high-pitched words were flung about the inside of the car, none audible to humans, it was unanimous: I was not a suitable candidate for outdoor living and we had to move closer to civilisation before I really hurt myself. 

...to be continued

No comments:

Post a Comment

For troubleshooting, email: nzreporter@hotmail.com