July 1, 2010

RIP Jacqui

This morning, I was shocked to learn that Jacqui Blackbourn had died.  She was an active member of SOSA (Survivors of Sexual Abuse) and attended their first summit in June. From what little I do know, she looked to be tackling her abusive past with gusto and taking those steps to surround herself with people who supported her rather than those who held her back, like her former boyfriend. If you read between the lines, he is one person that seems to be at the center of her death.  

I also woke to messages and posts of condolence from people assuming this woman was me. "Is this the Jax that runs K1W1. She was such a brave lady. RIP." First thing first, this is not me. The sad fact of the matter, it so could easily have been me or any other woman in a similar situation. Yes, this is (allegedly) a domestic violence case, an all to sad typical homicide situation. My question is this: What is in a survivor's makeup that draws men like that into their lives? 

I have had this said to me so many times - why can't you just leave 'things' in the past? My answer has always been, no one chooses to live life this way. If there is something fundamentally flawed during those influential childhood years, you just can't carry on as if it exists. 

If the one person you trusted ended up violating that trust, how does that person carry on in life trusting anyone else? How does a woman meet a man, even in her forties, and trust he won't hurt you? How many, like Jacqui, took that risk and ended up the same way? What was her part in all this? Jacqui was just looking for love. But she was no victim. At the end of day, he was a "former boyfriend," which means, even though she was looking for love, he just didn't cut the grade. She had found that level of self respect we all struggle to find. She had decided there was something, someone, better for her out there, and she took the steps to find it - that is courage; dignity, and no one can take that from her now. She earned it. 

The last words, I leave for her brother:
"Rest in peace my darling sister love you and allways will you will never be forgotten in my heart or soul, miss you so much. to all the people that had the pleasure of having there heart lifted by her kindness and her smile thank you for being there for her." 

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