May 27, 2010

Who am I, really?

Only I know who I am. I am my best researcher. I lived the walk and walked the talk - I am an expert in being me.

Other's profess to know me. Certain family members think they know me better than I know myself, which, at the risk of sounding real uptight, is kinda wrong, insanely wrong. It can "play" with your head when close relatives say that sort of stuff (especially if you rely on their judgement) and, if you're anything like me (God forbid) you could spent near a life time trying to prove them wrong.

And it's not like what they say is really that bad. It's just that 'ownership' thing I have a problem with. Should I (we) not have the right to the last word on 'who we are?" People can have their opinion but that's all it is just an opinion, a perception, their perception. It's not written in stone, surely!

But what happens when people "insist" they are right and you are wrong - we're not talking about who makes the best muffins here. That I could deal with. I'm talking about people who "insist" you're something you really don't think you are?

I've spent the majority of my life trying to understand other people's motives for certain things. Sometimes, I go as far as laying facts down on paper, things they have said, and then, I look at them. I know they're being unreasonable and yet, I sit and try to figure out why. Do other people do that?

This is what I have come to realise: People's intentions generate from their own need to self preserve, first and foremost. If your friend appears to have gone cold on you, good chance is, what you're going through is too close to home for that person to deal with. As cold as it is, she/he will ditch you like there was no tomorrow. That is human nature. There in lies your first clue as to what your friend is "really" going through in their own lives.

Ironically, it has nothing to do with you - you are but a spark that flamed something in their lives that maybe, they might like to look at and heal from.

Sadly, because we're all so busy maintaining that public facade of happiness, no one gets to know ....who we really are.

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